Women: Ask for What You Want
As a young person with a political science degree and an interest in policy, I moved to the Washington, DC area with my husband (another poli sci graduate) to change the world. We all think we can change the world until we are about 32, then we realize it’s more than one person can handle. But the enthusiasm of youth drives us forward, and I found myself interviewing for my first job in DC. I was excited to be considered for an entry-level position at the US Chamber of Commerce.
After taking all the skills tests, and finally demonstrating I could type accurately, I was talking with the HR Director. She offered me the position for $14,000. I said, “I want $20,000.” She scoffed and replied, “But you only made $12,000 at your last job.” I pointed out, “Well, that was St. Louis, MO. This is Washington, DC. It’s a lot more expensive here.” Shaking her head, she said, “I can’t offer you $20,000.” While grabbing my briefcase handle, I stood up, thanked her for her time, and started to leave.
She said rather loudly, “Wait! Come back and sit down.” I turned, looked at her, and sat down. She then told me that she could offer me $16,000, and in 6 months I would get a review and get a raise to $18,000 per the salary ranges set by the organization. The HR Director was confident I would do well and that I would receive the raise. Which I did (if you ever doubted it).
When I said I wanted $20,000 I really wanted $18,000. And that’s what I ended up with after the first 6 months. When it comes to negotiating, you have to ask for what you want. It’s best to ask for more than you want so you have room to deal.
This leads me to the fun fact that March is Women’s History Month. One of the things women discuss in March (and most of the year actually) is a topic known as the Gender Pay Gap. This is the difference between what men are paid and what women are paid for the same work. Spoiler Alert: Men are paid more.
According to the Pew Research Center, data from 2022 showed that women were making 82% of what men make. That gap has not closed much since 2002 according to Pew, but among younger members of the workforce (ages 25-34) the gap is closing.
Many factors affect pay such as education, skills, years of experience, and if you have to leave the workforce for any reason, such as raising children or caring for sick relatives. Gaps in work experience tend to be something women experience more than men because women are typically the parent that takes time away from their career to become a full-time parent. Probably because men make more money . . .
But is it that women pause their careers more often than men that leads to lower pay? Is it misogyny in the workplace? Or -- is it that women don’t feel comfortable asking for what they want?
I am often surprised by the hesitation women have to ask for more money, more benefits, and more opportunities. Throughout my career, I have always asked for what I wanted and made the case for it. Did I always get what I wanted? No, and despite that “no” being discouraging, I was never afraid to ask. Women must be their own advocate in the workplace, which means speaking up when they have a good idea, when they have a new achievement, when they see something that is wrong, and when they want more money.
Women have convinced themselves in too many situations that there will be negative consequences for speaking up. They don’t want to “rock the boat” or be seen as a problem. They aren’t willing to risk being uncomfortable, or even worse, being considered a bitch. Ah yes, the “b” word. Women hate it yet we throw that dart at each other when we don’t like someone’s attitude or behavior. We absolutely hate it when men use it because we know they would be lauded for the same behavior. “He’s a leader. He goes after what he wants.”
For women to get what they want in the workplace, at home, and across society, we need to speak up and ask for what we want. The worst thing that will happen is that you will be told “no.” And let’s all just get over the “b” word because it only matters what we think of ourselves.
As The Rolling Stones sang, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.” Caveat: you only get what you need if you are bold enough to ask for it.
