Think Like a Leader, Not a . . .
…GIRL. That’s right. Think like a leader, not a girl. Did she just type that? Oh yes, she did. And this time I encourage angry postcards because I want to hear what you are thinking.
If that is what you are doing – thinking that is. Is your response going to be thoughtful and well-reasoned? Or will it be an emotional lashing out claiming I am some sort of gender traitor and calling me all sorts of names? Because if it is an emotional outpouring about why I’m wrong and how hurtful it is, it is NOT thinking. It’s emotional regurgitation of things you were convinced are worth repeating or that lurk deep in your psyche and subconsciously affect your view of yourself.
Now, dear reader, you may be wondering, “Where in the heck did she come up with this idea? Is she finally bankrupt of original content?” That’s not a bad guess but you would be WRONG. I came up with this idea earlier in 2024 when I was coaching a CAE Candidate. She wanted to review some practice questions and discuss why she didn’t choose the best answer. The question was about making a decision as the leader of the association and the response she chose was to continue to ask other people what they thought.
I asked her why she selected that response and she explained she thought it was best to keep getting input from other people rather than making the decision because she wanted them to feel that their ideas were being considered. That’s when I blurted out, “Stop thinking like a girl. Think like a leader.”
Whoa. A powerful moment for both of us. Yes, she was somewhat taken aback – at first. But when we talked it through, I pointed out rather than thinking about what was best for the organization, she was more concerned about what other people thought. This is girl code for worrying about if people will like you or not. She thought about it as we talked and then said, “yes, you’re right! I was more worried about what other people thought than making the best decision.” That is why I said stop thinking like a girl. She earned the CAE, by the way.
As girls, we are taught to be good, to be thoughtful, to be liked – whether we like it or not. We put other people’s opinions above our own, and into adulthood tend to “go along to get along” rather than speaking up. This can be detrimental to our leadership ability because if we prioritize other people’s opinion of us over making the best decision, we won’t make a good decision. And it can lead to decision paralysis – you become so concerned about what other people think of you it prevents you from doing your job.
Thinking like a leader, rather than a girl, means assessing the situation, collecting data, gathering input, and then OBJECTIVELY making the best decision possible for the organization or the group. It means leaving emotion out of it – not compassion. Having feelings helps make better decisions because they affect others, but feelings cannot cloud focus.
Do I think it’s harsh to say stop thinking like a girl? Yes, I do. But I also think that it is necessary because women leaders need to own the role, own the decisions, and own the blowback that we sometimes face in these roles. Would I like to be universally loved and adored? Sure, who wouldn’t? But I also know that if everyone likes me, I’m doing something wrong.
Women can lead with their heart and their mind, but without clear focus, which means eliminating emotional distraction and self-doubt, we will always be second class leaders. Successful leaders are clear thinkers willing to take all that comes with the responsibility of decision making – the good, the bad, and the ugly. To lead takes courage and boldness. Don’t hide your courage under emotional distractions and fear of not being liked.
