Showing Appreciation
When people help out, it’s usually because they want to and choose to help. Most of us don’t expect a plaque, trophy, certificate, or anything other than a “thank you.” Okay, maybe a hearty thanks with a handshake. We all want to be recognized for what we do and contribute, but that is not what necessarily motivates us to help.
We help because it’s the right thing to do and a way that we can make our little piece of the world a little better. That’s why it is so important to just say thanks, and in the alternative, it’s more important not to criticize, pick at, or otherwise fling negative comments at those who do help.
There are principles and rules I live by, as I’m sure many of you do as well. One of them is this: I don’t expect to be thanked, but I don’t expect to be shanked either. When I decide to help, it is because I genuinely want to, and I don’t enter into these activities thinking I will be thanked. Sure, it’s nice to be thanked but I have no expectations of it happening. However, it too often happens that you won’t be thanked, but other people seem to think they have the right to attack you and make nasty comments regarding what you have offered with generosity and in good spirit.
Those people ruin it for everyone else. Their negativity and nastiness are discouraging and disappointing. These are the “2 Ds” and motivate people to NOT get involved and help out. It can drive people to withdraw and stop participating because what is the point if you are just going to get hammered by those who don’t do anything useful or helpful? Even worse are the situations where you are not recognized for what you do right, but you are always told when you have done something wrong. This is inconsiderate and rude behavior, but continuing along this path can lead us to unethical decisions.
At Rogue Tulips Consulting, we do a lot of work in the area of ethics. One of the things we learned over the years of researching this topic is this: the one word that leads us all down the path to unethical behavior is SELF. And we are not talking about a positive use of this word, which is Self-Care.
We are talking about the 4 Enemies of Integrity:
Self Interest: Things we want
Self-deception: A refusal to see things clearly
Self-righteousness: An end justifies the means attitude
Self-preservation: By any means necessary
As an active and committed volunteer, I too often see the selfish segments of a community lash out at someone who is contributing whether through sharing knowledge, time, or helping organize an event. Online communities are rife with this type of unethical behavior that undermines the spirit of community for everyone. Trying to have any sort of real, in-depth discussion online is pointless because it is anonymous – even if you see the person’s name. Since the people involved are not in the same room, things are said in emails that would never be said to someone’s face. It gets mean fast.
As we move forward into the fall, and enter the winter holiday season, I encourage us all to consider what we can do to make the world a little brighter, warmer, and supportive. A great way to start is with two simple words: thank you.
