Do You Hear What I Hear?
We all talk about it. We say we believe in it. We claim to practice it. But in reality, a majority of people do not participate in conversations as active listeners.
Active listening is the practice of fully paying attention to what others are saying. This includes gauging their emotions, their body language, their tone of voice, and other cues that support their message or information.
What active listening is NOT:
Multi-tasking. Don’t check your email while in a conversation or look at your smartphone, especially if you are in person or on webcam.
Thinking about what you are going to say next instead of listening to what the other person is saying.
Talking over people. (I truly hate this. And I don’t use the word hate lightly.)
Interrupting people. This is just rude!
Zoning out. Yes, we all do this sometimes. But, if you are practicing active listening, this will happen less often.
Pauses are not openings for you to start talking. If you are actively listening you will know if the person has made their point, or if they are allowing time for information to be processed.
One of the best compliments I have received in the last year is that I actually listen to people when they talk. While I was pleased to hear this, I was taken a bit by surprise because I didn’t think anyone noticed I was actively listening. We all live in a world full of noise and distractions, so like many of us I think no one is paying attention.
But paying attention is what we need to do to better communicate and fully understand the information being shared with us. Many times in life we will be told to “Pay attention!” – it’s because if we don’t, we are definitely going to miss something crucial.
How can we improve our active listening skills? Here are some suggestions:
Focus on the person who is talking. Absorb the information they are sharing.
Be thoughtful in your responses. Take a moment to process what you have heard.
Don’t focus on what you are going to say next.
Don’t talk over people. Don’t interrupt people.
Respect the pause. It’s not your opportunity to start talking.
Minimize distractions. Close your email and set your smartphone aside.
The benefits of active listening are:
Better information processing.
Increased understanding.
Improved relationships.
Heightened awareness.
Listening instead of talking expands your world view and increased the value of your interactions.
