Not a Clue
No matter how strong or “together” someone might seem, everyone has times in life when they haven’t got a clue. That’s right: the most capable and mature of us have times when they just have no idea what to do or how to deal. Focus can be lost, the road ahead looks crooked and there are no directional signs, and decision paralysis sets in.
We all feel the pressure of too many things vying for our attention, not feeling “the love,” and our heads spinning around our little piece of the world, not even knowing where to start. Pressure from too many things demanding our attention eats at our self-esteem and our self-confidence. We start to believe we are losing our touch, and we have no idea how to find it again.
Even worse, we don’t think we can let anyone know that there is an internal struggle going on as we deal with the external factors impacting our lives.
Times like this affect your performance and that causes additional stress and self-doubt. If you have a friend or colleague who talks with you about these fears and doubts, of not feeling confident any longer in their decisions, of not knowing when or how they can take time for “self-care” – keep the affirmations and positive drollery to yourself. That is not AT ALL what anyone needs to hear at a time like that. What they need is someone to LISTEN to them.
Sadly, the art of active listening is a dying one. So many times, when I talk to people they are too busy interrupting, talking over me, or not paying attention to what is actually being said. This increases frustration and is quite upsetting when you are not in a good place. And then the affirmations start.
As Elizabeth Engel of Spark Consulting reminded me a few weeks ago, “The LEGO Movie” has a quote: “Everything is awesome.” The people of Legoland are required to say this even when it is not awesome at all in any way shape or form. Unfortunately, our society has become like this. We are not supposed to say anything is wrong or bad or sad. The brave face and stiff upper lip are “de rigeur” in a world where that very attitude is destroying it from the inside out.
The only way to solve a problem is to acknowledge it exists. Pretending it doesn’t exist solves nothing. And sometimes you have to accept there is no solution to a situation and you have to find a new one (like your boss is NEVER going to acknowledge your outstanding performance – stop stressing and start looking for a new job).
It’s okay if you don’t have a clue. You are not alone. But the first step to finding a clue is to know you need to look for it.
